WHEN YOUR CHILD CRIES.

Babies cry.
They all do at some point. They really do.
Its their way of letting us know that something isn't right in their world.
We, as parents, learn to recognise that.
We try our best to deal with whatever it is that is upsetting them, and hope that we get it right.

She is my beloved child.
She is no longer a small girl, but she will always be my beloved child.
When the stork decided which child to give to which mother, somehow I came up trumps.
I still don't know what I did to deserve this honour, but amazingly it happened.
Destiny chose us for each other.
I definitely got the better end of that deal!
She is a gift that I have never ever taken for granted.
I have loved every second, even the most trying...and believe me, her teenage years were a nightmare for us both!!
I would still give my life for her life in a heartbeat, and without a backward glance.
It would be a totally fair exchange.


'I will have your back forever'.
This is a modern saying, and not one that truthfully I would have used when she was a wee dote.
But it is one that best expresses the feelings that I had back in the day, when she was a tiny bundle that fitted into the crook of my terrified teenage arms.
And it is a promise that I truly believed that I could keep.
I hoped that I could protect my child from pain, that I could kiss away the bumps and bruises, that I could  wipe away the tears and make everything better.
And for her lifetime I have really tried my very best to do so.
Together, we have dealt with her losses.
The loss of an opportunity, of a boyfriend, of her parents marriage and even the loss of much loved grandparents.
But I cannot fix this.
Not this time.
This is far too enormous for a kiss, or a hug, or even talking far into the night to make right.

That same stork had apparently decided that it was time that she had her very own daughter.
The world was revolving, and now it was to be her turn.
We were all overjoyed.
She had felt her move. We all had.
She had seen her heartbeat. We all had.
She had seen her face on the precious scan pictures. We all had copies.
Our wee one had already been papped, we joked!
She had chosen her name.
We all joined in that one with great hilarity.
She totally refused to consider anything whimsical that she suspected may turn up one day in a Tinseltown magazine!!
She had a baby shaped space in her heart, a beautiful nursery ready and waiting for her, and so many plans and dreams for her future.
She had fallen in totally in love with her.
Actually, we all had!

But this was not to be the way of things.
My child's child was not destined to be a part of our family.... and my child's heart is in pieces.
If her heart is shattered then mine is also, and this time I cannot kiss it better.
This time its far too big a break for that.
And I don't know what to do other than hold her,
tell her that I love her...
and pray that she wont cry for ever.

And so today we all said our farewells,
our.....bye for nows,
and our.....see you again one days.

Our final goodbyes to our wee little perfect angel.

She was here for the briefest moment
and she was gone again in a whisper,
a heartbeat.
But she will remain in our hearts forever.

So, go fly little one...we all love you. xxx