WHEN I'M AN OLD WOMAN....

My alternative take on Jenny Josephs poem
When I'm an Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple.

When I'm an old woman I'll live with each kid
And bring so much happiness, just as they did.
I'll be able to pay back the joy they've provided
Returning each deed, won't they be excited?

I'll draw on the walls in bright coloured hues
And bounce on the sofa wearing my shoes.
I'll drink juice from the bottle, and then spit it out
All over the carpet - oh, how they'll shout!

When they're on the phone and just out of reach
I'll make a up a concoction of cornflakes and bleach.
They'll snap their fingers and then shake their head
And wish it was time to send me to bed!

When they cook me dinner and its time to eat
I'll say I no longer eat veggies, or meat.
I'll gag on my pasta, spill milk on the table
And when they get angry, I'll run - if I'm able!

I'll rack up their phone bills making my dates
And take over their houses with all of my mates.
I'll ask them for money for new shoes, and lifts,
Then deafen the neighbours with one of my tiffs!

I'll refuse to dress smartly, or wear socks on my feet,
My purple DMs will look kinda neat!
I'll have pink in my hair, and maybe a plait
And top it all off with a straw cowboy hat!

I'll paint my nails green, with glitter on too
Ruby red lipstick and eyelashes blue!
I'll get surly and stroppy if asked to wash up
Then give them 'that look' when I break a cup!

I'll go out with my friends and 'forget' the time
Then phone for a lift when they've opened the wine!
When they threaten to ground me, I'll pretend not to care 
Then claim not to remember cause I'm GOING to The Fair!!

I'll play music so loud their house will be shaking
Then come for a chat when a nap they are taking.
Yes, when I'm an old woman I'll live with my kids
And bring so much happiness......

 .............JUST LIKE YOU DID!!!